food and sundries

Pay the Meter

Filed under: Uncategorized — September 28, 2013 @ 12:00 pm

stream of consciousness as i sit at starbucks looking out on the community mural
not sure where to begin, but need to write
meter runs out in about 15 minutes, so what can I do in such a short time
practice practice practice
just do it, as nike says
i am consciously setting aside times to write and times to exercise
gonna sign up for a community college on-line writing class
it’s affordable and will give me even more structure to continue writing
i write b/c i am; i am b/c i write
writing is so incredibly hard
like torturing oneself, and to what end?
i have four novels in the works
but no endings
maybe there are no real endings
there’s always more to the story
the Penny Saver sits next to me, beckoning with promises of used goods
it’s a gorgeous day outside, warm and clear
one of those perfect fall days that make this season my favorite
even though it’s bittersweet with pending winter
i am excited for this weekend
a harvest party with apple goodies
an adoption party with promises of new connections, new family
a visit with Destiny
i am happy
i never knew happy as a kid
anxiety and fear, yes
happy, no
it’s nice
i lament the years spent in self loathing
so much lost to that
so many people lost to that
we all deserve to be our whole selves
why is it so hard
why do others make it so hard
the world really could be a better place
it’s not what happens, it’s what you do with it
so true
and everything’s easier to take with a Frappucino at your side
the homeless man exits the bathroom
i wonder how he does it
it must be so hard
living on the streets
i never forget how close to that i could be
how easy it would be to lose everything
but can you really lose everything?
only if you lose your memory, I’m thinking
otherwise, you still have everything you’ve ever learned
and that’s something
a lot really
but that’s why we really fear old age
the loss of memory
of everything we are
as i get older i understand more
but these thoughts are too much for a Saturday morning
a beautiful Saturday
a Saturday of promises
but i have to go pay the meter now

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