PASSIONATE RATIONS

It really was lovely. Its stainless steel sides gleaming. Its retro look reminiscent of America’s pre-space-flight ideas of the future. A Cuisinart 4-slice toaster really is a thing of beauty.

Unfortunately, beauty may belie deep underlying flaws. Only three years after receiving it, it simply stopped working one day. The little levers wouldn’t keep the toast down anymore. It was like it just gave up, losing all motivation to do its job. The electromagnetics that made the levers work lost all of their charisma.

But I give second chances, so we got another. Blinded by the toaster’s stainless steel curves, I thought to myself, “well, that must’ve been a fluke.”

But no.

Again, three years out, the thing just gave up the ghost. Same problem. It’s almost as if they’re programmed to stop working after three years in the hopes you’ll buy another.

I’m so very disappointed. Luckily, Bed, Bath & Beyond has fabulous return policies, so we turned it in for store credit. Then we went looking for another toaster. Or toaster oven.

We finally alit upon an elongated stainless Oster toaster that looks like a tiny silver-bullet Airstream recreational vehicle (oooh. pretty). Instead of four slots, it has two long ones which will take up to two regular bread slices each. The first toasting resulted in two evenly browned pieces of whole wheat bread. And “Oster” rhymes with “toaster,” so it’s fun to say.

So far so good. But can it make it more than three years? The proof will be in the toast.