PASSIONATE RATIONS

The modern gas cooktop lacks style.

Even the $3,000 ones bring to mind the word “boring.” With a capital “B.” (which is not to say that, if someone offered me a brand new Thermador cooktop, I would eschew the thing, but still, you would think for that kind of money they’d offer customized accents or something).

Yes, I know that a cooktop’s looks mean very little to its performance and function, and I’m not typically a shallow sort, but this is a matter of contrasts. The hello-I-reek-of-suburbia sameness of the current crop of cooktops is made quite clear to me every time I look at my own retro-chic Caloric Ultramatic. Like me, it is of 1960s vintage. Unlike me, it is Jackie Onassis in a sea of hum-drum.

Unfortunately, Caloric went out of business years ago and my cooktop is corroding from the inside out.

Additionally, I want to replace the not-so-chic 1960s-vintage linoleum countertop and, as retro-beautiful as my cooktop is, it is worn and will look even more so atop shiny new Corian or some such.

Age. The calamity of us all.

Whatever shall I do?

I’ve been scouring appliance sites and other stuff-hawking venues looking for a replacement of the same era, with no luck. So much for my faith in Ebay.

I suspect refurbishment of the thing will cost more than a new (however yawn-inducing) cooktop.

Well, if you know a little old lady from Pasadena who’s remodeling her 1960s kitchen and getting rid of a gently used Caloric Ultramatic cooktop (not the whole stove, mind you. Just a single countertop cooktop), please let me know.

In the meantime, my quest continues.