PASSIONATE RATIONS

Forgive the cynicism, but the lesson I’ve been forced to learn over the last two years or so is this:

It’s not what you know or do, it’s who you know or do.

A re-telling of an old truism, I know. But truisms are truisms because of the truth they impart.

And watch out for the wallop you’ll get when they re-prove their particular truth to you, particularly if you know a sociopath who happens to have the ear of, say, the people you work for, ….

What, exactly, is a sociopath, you ask?

Well, I used to think they were just the serial killers amongst us, but, no, it turns out there’s a wide spectrum of sociopathy.

Turns out, a league of such characters are gathering near me and fiddling with the scenery.

Worse, I think I’m getting a reputation for attracting them, which can’t be good for either my career or my social life.

Do you know a sociopath or two? Or are you one yourself?

Here’re some clues to look for (copied from a number of web sites). These are all behaviors that I’ve recently encountered to more or lesser degrees (Note, however, that this isn’t a complete list and, even so, one can still BE a sociopath even if he or she does not exhibit all of these characteristics in spades):
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Glibness and Superficial Charm

Manipulative Behavior: sociopaths never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing others as merely instruments to be used. They may seek to dominate and humiliate.

Grandiose Sense of Self: Feel entitled to certain things as “their right.”

Pathological Lying: Has no problem lying coolly and easily. It is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Can be extremely convincing, even able to pass lie detector tests. No hesitation to create false documents.

Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt: A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. They do not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims, and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

Shallow Emotions: When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remain unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

Callousness/Lack of Empathy: Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others’ feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

Irresponsibility/Unreliability: Not concerned about wrecking others’ lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Do not accept blame themselves, but blame others, even for acts they obviously committed.

Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility: Change their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Change life story readily.

Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired

Conventional appearance

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Oh sure, the sociopaths in my life make things…well, quite interesting.

But not fun. No, not fun at all.

See, the thing is, most normal people expect others to be relatively sane, so–since a sociopath can come across as charming and very intelligent–most people are willing, at first, to give these people the benefit of the doubt. Things spiral out of control from there. Especially in my job, where I’m expected to follow rational processes (with limited resources) in pursuing irrational people.

Who wins in this scenario? Hmmmm. I wonder….

Another modified truism: give a sociopath an inch and they’ll take the planet.