food and sundries

Sticky Situations

Filed under: Uncategorized — November 30, 2006 @ 10:25 pm

With so much quality candy on hand in my childhood, it must have been inevitable that one or two candy-coated mishaps would occur.

Small, round, multi-colored candies are fraught with confusion for children under age six.  “Should I eat it, or should I stuff it up my nose?” they may ask themselves.

My answer to the question posed was to stuff it up my nose.  I specifically recall thinking I could get the small sphere out again simply by picking my nose.   I failed to consider that my finger would operate, instead, as a kind of ramrod, shoving the mishandled globe ever deeper into the recesses of my nasal passage as I attempted to extract it in such fashion.

Sitting on the toilet, I contemplated my options. I was only five or six, but I feared being chastised by my parents for what, it turned out, really had been kind of stupid.  Perhaps if I just tried blowing my nose.   But, by then, the tiny treat had become so deeply wedged it did not respond to such feeble efforts.   A kind of panic set in as the offending orb refused to budge.  I think my parents found me just as I started to cry.   I don’t remember the actual extrication (probably the selective memory engendered by trauma).   I just remember being really relieved that I had nurses for parents.   I can assure you that that was the last time candy and my nose ever made acquaintance.

Apparently, however, the moral of such a life lesson did not translate to bubble gum.  I had long hair as a child.  Perhaps I was prone to chewing on it in the absence of gum, perhaps not.  My memory fails me on that point.  On at least two occasions, however, my hair and my bubblegum somehow became intimately entangled.   This led to the need for having peanut butter (a brilliant de-stickifier) on hand at all times in any home in which I lived, and, the first time, to a very creative haircut.  (I ask, should kids under six really be allowed to have gum?).

Luckily, though the learning curve was steep, I have since figured out how to eat candy and chew gum without fear of disfigurement or the need for surgery.  And it’s a good thing, for my sweet tooth is deeply rooted and, unlike the candy and the gum, inextricable.

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